Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

Retrospective on the gender of my baby

admin February 27th, 2008

I was wishing for a little girl. They are so cute in their funky clothes, and pigtails. I was going to teach her how to be strong and fierce and not bend to pressure to be someone she wasn’t. I was going to show her how she could be feminine, but not weak. I would buy her trucks and tools and no one was going to tell her that anything was wrong with that. She was going to be one incredible woman. The one every man wanted. The one every woman wanted to be.

And then I learned she had a penis. She was a he. And I knew this was a possibility. And I had told myself I didn’t care. And I really was very excited to see him and just to know more about that baby in there. But after the adrenaline of the ultrasound, I have to admit I was a little sad. I really don’t think I should put his hair in pigtails. Rough and tumble play will be “normal” for him. And I mourned the possibility of a daughter a little. I’ll admit it.

But now, I am so excited! I finally know what people mean when they talk of wanting to finally meet their little baby. I just can’t wait to see him. He will be an awesome little boy. We will have so much fun, and I will get to experience a dozen things that I wasn’t privy to as a girl. The high school years should hopefully be easier on him. He will be a wonderful beautiful man, just like the one I married and adore. He will look so cute in his little boy clothes – the ones I like anyway. I will show him how to be masculine, but not cruel. I will buy him trucks and tools and an easy bake oven because men should be able to cook just as much as any woman. He will be one incredible man. The one every woman wants. The one every man wishes to be.

I am having a son, and I couldn’t be happier. Dude, I’m having a son.

Vote People

admin February 5th, 2008

I am feeling great this morning because I got up and instead of heading right to work, I went over to a nearby school and voted. To me this is a huge deal. This is me taking part in my government. This is me being counted. This is me thanking all of those thousands of people who died so that I could do this. Most of all, this is fun.

So I just can’t understand when people don’t even bother. Maybe I can see if in the presidential election you don’t feel like you count because, say, you are a Democrat and the rest of the state is overwhelmingly Republican. I don’t think that really gives you an excuse, but I can somewhat empathize. Thank you, electoral college. But in other elections, elections for Mayor and Governor, and Representatives, and new legislation, and the Presidential Primary how could you not even care? These things affect you, people!

My rant stems from a conversation I just had with a colleague who told me that she wasn’t even sure if she was registered. Not registered? Not sure? What? I don’t care who you vote for. I don’t care if you vote for someone I hate who I think will utterly ruin the country. In fact, many people did just that at the last presidential election. All those very misguided people I hold with so much higher respect than the people who could not get off their duffs, wait a few minutes and punch a screen. Just vote, people.

And if you don’t, you should be ashamed.

Don’t you just love it when

admin January 25th, 2008

That guy who passes you just to run the red light immediately gets pulled over? Me too!

Heath Ledger is dead

admin January 23rd, 2008

Wow. I can’t believe it. He seemed so normal and promising and he has a small child. This is so sad. I don’t know why I am taking this so personally. Maybe, maybe I think that if something awful can happen to someone like him, it can happen to any of us.

Thank you Jenny F. Scientist

admin January 11th, 2008

And here I steal a post, a very amusing and strangely familiar post from Jenny F. Scientist over at http://naturalscientist.blogspot.com/

“Dear In-Laws,

Thank you for all the lovely Christmas cards. The picture of us at Lawyer Cousin’s wedding was also nice. The letter exhorting me to accept the healing power of Jesus? Not so much. Let me remind you once again: I am a practicing Jew. NEVER. Thank you.

As you have all heard, Dr. S finished his PhD. No, he is not now getting a ‘real job.’ He has HAD one for the last six years, and now he has another one. I am not ’still in school’ as you conceive of it: I work in a lab all day. No, we have not had ‘classes.’ For years and years. I will do physical violence to the next person who utters a phrase involving ‘real job’. We work twice as many hours as you and think at least ten times as much. We work. All day. In labs. Are those words small enough for you?

Surprisingly enough, Dr. S actually wants to stick around here in SnootyTown until I finish. Fancy that: a wife who works. I know it’s a novelty to you, but try to wrap your little minds around it.

You will be shocked- shocked!- to hear that I am NOT PREGNANT. I will NOT be pregnant soon, this spring, or even this summer. When we finally decide to breed, it will be unrelated to your archaic notions of a woman’s place. And while we’re at it, I’m not ‘really a Scientist now! Part of the family!’ just because I changed my name. Y’all will always be no relation of mine.

Although I forget from year to year, it’s always lovely to be reminded how some of you think your narrow, circumscribed experiences are comprehensive. It’s thrilling to know that

1. living in small town Ohio
2. going to college in small-town West Virginia . . . . and then
3. living in small town Ohio

has given you a complete understanding of academia and of scientists! All the same, working at an R1 is not ‘just the same’ as teaching high school in rural Ohio. In fact, people are not ‘exactly the same everywhere’ either. Multi-million dollar grants involve more work and politics than your requisition for more chalk. But it’s nice to be reminded that I know nothing about my experiences, which you’ve never had. You and your B.A.

I try not to mention it during the holidays, but you are all fat. Very fat. While some people are genetically inclined to be larger than others, the fact that Aunt K. lost 40 pounds when she started eating a vegetable every now and then seems to indicate that it’s not ‘in your DNA.’ Eat a fricking vegetable. And Dr. S is not starving to death, he’s simply not FAT. Also please stop trying to feed me animals. Meals for which nothing died are still tasty and nutritious.

Yours until next year, when I am leaving BEFORE the yearly on-a-Saturday family reunion full of ham and rabid hypocritical Republicans, so help me,

Jenny F. Scientist”

Which is better?

admin October 16th, 2007

These are some things I sometimes think about without ever really finding a great answer. Any thoughts?

Buy an expensive eco-friendly shirt for your kid, or buy a cheap one and give the extra money to a homeless guy?

Give money to your church to help fix the broken steeple, or send that money to a charity for hungry children?

Spend billions of dollars to fund cancer research in your country, or a few million to save thousands of starving and displaced refugees in another country?

Try become completely eco-friendly in your own house, or use some of that time money and energy to help convince other people to adopt new practices in theirs?

Give a homeless man $100, or give $100 to United Way (or other trusted organization).

Protest the right to speech, or protest the right not to be degraded by speech?

Devote your life to a career you enjoy, or devote your life to a career that will make a huge impact?

Strive for excellence, or strive for balance? Happiness during this life, or legacy after?

Eat an unwashed apple, or a bag of potato chips?

Open letter to the guy I cut off in traffic this morning

admin October 11th, 2007

Dear young guy in the white oxford driving the black SUV.

I totally cut you off in traffic this morning, and I’m sorry. I was an asshole.

There was a long line of cars at the light to turn left, and I bypassed them thinking that I would go down and turn around. That is until I saw the very small space in front of your car, and made a snap decision to very rudely just shove my car’s ass right over. You had probably already waited through two lights just to get to that spot. You probably had to brake to keep from hitting me. I know you were pretty pissed because I watched you throw your hands up and yell something at me in my rear view mirror. Yup, I deserved that. Cutting you off was a totally asshole thing to do. I hate people who do things like that. I didn’t even have a good reason. I wasn’t late to an important appointment. There was no emergency. I wasn’t half asleep or in some personal crisis. I just acted like a total jackass.

If it makes you feel any better I felt guilty about cutting you off all morning. I still am worried that you will turn out to be one of my neighbors and I will see you every morning from now on. I also know that your route to work is very similar to mine, since you followed me most of the way in this morning. Thank you for not driving right up on my ass after I cut you off, even though I would have deserved it. If I could write you a note or buy you a drink or something I would, but then you’d know who I was for sure, and my one hope of you forgetting all about it would die forever.

If my worst fears come true and you do happen to be my neighbor, please keep my guilt in mind before you decide to retaliate by say, teasing my dogs, or shooting a bb gun at my windows. Because I might want to retaliate if someone cut me off like I did you this morning. And that would be a totally asshole thing to do.

Yours Truly,

Normally conscientious driver chick

Random story - mostly true

admin October 4th, 2007

The scene: Italy, on the coast of the Mediterranean. In a lovely clean hotel room with view of the lapping turquoise waves. A woman is dressing in front of a full length mirror.

Woman: (Thinking) I think I might have gotten some loose powder on my black shirt. I’ll need to dust it off. What can I use? Oh, there is a pile of old clothes. I’ll just grab something and dust it off of me.

She makes dusting motions on her chest and something dark flies to the ground.

Woman: (Again thinking) That’s odd. I wonder what that is. I wish I had my contacts in so that I could better see this thing. It looks kinda like a dead bug. Gross. But it’s pointy. Unlike any bug I’ve ever seen.

She peers down at the object. Her face is almost touching it

Woman: (To her husband) Honey! I think there was some nasty dead bug in our clothes. It looks very odd. Like a roach, but pointy…AAAHHHHHHHHHHeeeee!!!

The dark thing runs for cover, showing the unmistakable triangular shape of a scorpion

Woman: SHIT! It’s a SCORPION! I didn’t know they had those here. Why didn’t they tell me they had those here?

Husband: Well, I guess they forgot to tell you at the border

Woman: Well they should. Damn. I could have wiped that thing across my neck.

Husband: Exactly.

Did you know there were scorpions in Italy? Well, there’s one less now.

In Homage to Spring

admin April 29th, 2007

Today, I open.
Today is a spring day
Full of Iris and lily, lilac and jasmine,
Today is a day of warm sun
And cool breezes.
Today I feel the pulsating movement of people,
They zoom by - top down, roar, heat and wind,
And just the right amount of danger, or
Walking slowly, bathe in the day’s caress.
They lounge and nap, or eat and talk.
Parents and children trade kicks at a rubber ball,
Dogs search the trees for squirrels, and
Chirping birds chatter their latest gossip.
No longer are we walking dead of winter.
No longer curled and knotted, we stretch, we sigh,
We indulge and celebrate, we squeeze out the drops.
In the front garden, some early blooms have withered,
And some about to burst open.
Later will be the lavender and the gardenia,
Later will be the heat lovers, portents of true summer,
But the purple rose, I have been watching her.
It is past time for the roses.
The others already an immodest orgy of blooms,
She waits. I have snipped them back,
And buried my face in their blooms of red and yellow,
But she waits. I think
She was waiting for this day, this first true spring day.
The others carrying still, some remembrance of last season.
I too have been waiting.
Not ready to fully stretch, to groan, to scratch, to commit,
To indulge in this overindulgent feast, but
Today, I smelled the sweet fragrance of her first blossom,
Almost black, it was, and the scent to match,
Like a secret rendezvous with a beautiful stranger.
Today, among the rhythm of people,
Bathed in scent and light green leaves,
Among the bird calls and the trees’ rusting,
I wait no longer. I open my bloom, I emerge
Like her, I have waited, but I must live this day.
This day of rebirth, all the earth opens.
I open also, this day.

Busy not Dead

admin March 13th, 2007

In the interests of saving my job in case this blog gets identified, and to be strictly ethical with the use of department resources, I have decided to only post from home. The problem is that recently I am never home except to fall into bed, and shower in the morning. This makes other activities, like writing, much less frequent. But do not despair, oh my thousands of adoring PA fans. I continue to come up with exciting, invigorating, fresh, and insightful post topics, that I will share with you soon, (soon, I tell you) for your reading pleasure. I even have a list.

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