Archive for the 'PhD jobs' Category

Fear of Failure

admin March 11th, 2008

I am slowly working on preparing my resume and sending out a few feelers so that I have good contacts when it comes time for me to find a new job. While as I have noted before I am pursuing science writing and would love to freelance, my lack of journalistic experience is realistically a big disadvantage. So, I am working on networking to secure a few good mentors, and even perhaps a position for a year or two in which I can learn inside information about how the reporting and publishing processes work.

Due to all of this career preparation, I have been thinking about common interview questions, and specifically what is to me perhaps the most difficult question of them all.

What are your weaknesses?

No one likes to talk about their weaknesses, especially in an interview when you are supposed to be selling yourself as enthusiastic, confident, and knowledgeable. But you cannot tell an interviewer that you have no weaknesses, so what do you do? A counselor one time advised my entire student body to say that we sometimes procrastinate. Everyone procrastinates, she says, so it’s an easy out. I’m not quite sure that I agree. First of all, since almost everyone procrastinates, an interviewer may think if you bring it up that you procrastinate more than normal, which can be a huge problem if deadlines are an issue. Secondly, what if you don’t often procrastinate? This could be a strength, which certainly you cannot reveal if you reserve it as an easy weakness. This question is so tricky to me. I still don’t know if I have found the best answer.

If I was being entirely honest – and I’m not sure I could do this in an interview – I would have to say that a big weakness of mine is fear of failure. This fear can be at times annoying, and at others a real obstacle to my work. I really do not like to do things badly, and that can prevent me from doing things that I should be doing.

For example, there was some equipment in my building that I needed to use. This is rather complicated and expensive equipment. I have been trained to use it, so theoretically I should be able to operate it, but the thing is that I don’t use it often enough not to forget the finer points. For the last few weeks I have really needed to use this equipment, but I found myself putting it off. And off. And off. It was knowing that I should be able to use it but couldn’t that prevented me from doing some very important work. Finally last week I just spent a day troubleshooting and asking questions and re-learning how to use it. Now all is fine, it doesn’t seem so difficult, and I will be able to do this important work. But why didn’t I do this sooner?

Fear of Failure

Another example is sports. I’m a pretty athletic gal. I have trained and completed several competitive runs and one sprint triathlon, and I can’t wait to get back on the training circuit once this baby is born. I am good at these things. I enjoy them. But I do not participate in group sports. One time looking silly and doing badly as part of a TEAM where people are WATCHING is enough humiliation to keep me away from a sport forever. In school I did participate in a group sport, but I practiced and took lessons and worked every day to help ensure I did not fail at this sport. Still, on the days I did poorly, fun was the last thing I was thinking. Today, I refuse to play this sport unless I can get back to the level of skill I had achieved in school, which I know would take substantial time and financial capital. I am just not willing to do this. So I don’t play.

I honestly cannot understand people who enjoy just going out and doing something and not performing well. The only thing I can attribute this to is my fear of failure. I don’t fear failing at new things, but things that I think I should be able to do, I MUST do well.

Am I a complete nut?

On Publication Attribution

admin February 14th, 2008

I am wondering what to do about a little situation I am having. Last year a colleague of mine did some experiments that yielded interesting data. He asked me to do some analysis of the data, which I did. Soon thereafter he became more focused on writing and defending his thesis and finding a job, which he did.

Because he was busy with his job and I was already acquainted with his work, he, my adviser and I decided that I would continue this work to make a publishable document. My colleague had designed and implemented the experiments and collected some of the data. I finished up by collecting much more data, analyzing most of the data, and reading and thinking to figure out what was going on and how it fit into the rest of the relevant literature. My colleague had written a few loose paragraphs, but I wrote almost the entire paper.

It comes time to submit for publication and we all decided that the two of us would share authorship. His name would be first, but I could also be considered “first author” and this would be noted on the paper.

Several months pass, the paper is reviewed and lightly revised, and the journal sends me a draft for final review. Nowhere at the top of the paper is my equal contribution noted. (Normally, this is done with asterisks by each name and a note at the bottom of the first page.) The top header does not have my name, and says only “theguy et al.” At the very bottom of the very last page after acknowledgments to the funding agencies, there is a note that GUY and PA shared equal contribution. (The draft we sent them had the asterisks and the note on the first page. This has been deleted entirely.) I mentioned this to my PI who sent them an email back asking that my contribution be at least noted at the top header, so that it would read Theguy and P.Anecdotal et al.

Today being so incredibly bored that I googled myself, I find that this paper has been posted online prior to its final hard copy publication later. Great! I bring it up, and these changes have not been made. The only note of my equal contribution is still that very difficult to find line at the very bottom of the last page.

With as much attention as proper author attribution has received lately, you would think that a journal would bend over backwards to make sure these things are correct. I know some journal policies now make you state exactly what every author contributed, and this is then printed. It just bugs me that they completely ignored our attempts to make note of my contribution.

So, what do I do? Should I just not worry about this? Should I mention it to my PI? Can the journal even do anything at this point?

Am I a Woman or a Scientist?

admin February 7th, 2008

Things that I notice, but maybe I shouldn’t

1. We frequently have visitors to our lab. We know who the important ones are because my advisor makes them up a schedule that usually includes each one of the group members talking to the visitor for about 15 minutes about our (published) work. I have also been asked to show various visitors around, take pictures, etc. Almost every time I introduce myself or am introduced as a PhD candidate, they react with what seems to be both enthusiasm and surprise. Now, this might be very normal. This might happen to all the other students these visitors meet. Maybe they are always surprised at finding PhD students in a research lab. Somehow, I don’t think so. So I am left wondering what it is about me that makes them so surprised. Is it because I am a woman? Do I look exceptionally young? Is it because I am in the severe American minority in our group? I used to never identify myself as a woman, or American, scientist. But now that I am in a minority I find myself doing this all the time and I have to wonder if I was just incredibly naïve before, or am I aligning myself across divisions that aren’t really there?

2. Every few months we have a lunch to celebrate good news, invite new members to the group, and say goodbye to departing ones. Personal information about various group members is also mentioned. Recently we had a lunch in which two male members were mentioned because they were happy to have their wives coming over from their home country. We have also had celebrations of new marriages, and a mention of one male member’s pregnant wife. I think this is great as it gives our rather large group a little appreciation of the alternate lives our members lead. So, I have to say that I was a little disappointed when mentions of people’s wives flying over were made, but nothing was said about my pregnancy. Maybe my advisor was trying to be discrete (though everyone knows) or maybe he thinks that I will find it too personal for him to bring up in that way. Those are both completely valid reasons. Still, I can’t help feeling that I am just not as important, or respected, or cared about than many other members in this group. If he can bring up a male member’s upcoming parenting status, why can’t he congratulate me on mine? Maybe I am just making something into a whole lot of nothing, but little things like this get to me.

Happiness Is

admin February 4th, 2008

Listening to your favorite songs on your ipod, feeling the baby kick, working on your thesis, advisor out of town.

Looking back – common grad school questions from a science perspective part 1

admin January 23rd, 2008

Since I should soon be finishing up my time in graduate school, I thought I’d impart a little of the knowledge I had to learn along the way. These are some common questions I often answer for graduate students attending recruitment events at my university. I am always very honest with them, and fortunately, many decide to come back.

1. How do I decide on a good university?

Reputation matters in grad school. All other factors being equal, many students find great success by going to the most highly recognized university in a highly recognized lab. This is especially true if you want to go into research in academia or in a large company afterward. Of course there are several factors which can completely negate the positives of a big name school. If you hate the school or the location or your advisor or what you are doing, then the biggest name might not be the best. But, if you really have no idea of where to go, name does matter on the resume, even more so than for undergraduates. Also, you are not there to learn in the same way you were as an undergraduate. Students can end up in bad situations at any university, but if you end up in a bad situation in a top university at least you will still have a respected name on your degree. Finally, it does not always correlate but there tend to be reasons why particular schools and labs are highly regarded. They usually are doing something right. If you are not there to later go into research and only want to dive deeper into a beloved topic or have some other strong reason to go to a lesser known school, then this consideration is not as important. Rarely though do I hear people from top schools wishing they had gone elsewhere, whereas in my experience the opposite occurs with some frequency.

Also, make sure that either the advisor you want has already accepted you, or the department has plenty of people and projects that interest you. Many students are surprised after arriving that their favorite lab is not currently taking students, or even worse, just not taking them. Some labs do not accept masters students. Ask how interdisciplinary the department is. If you don’t find something you like there, can you easily transfer to another lab in another department? Also ask about the people you will be working with. Are the staff helpful? Staff are commonly overlooked but are integral to your graduate success. Do the school and department have plenty of money? How well is the equipment maintained? How will you be paid? Do the students seem enthusiastic about their work or about ready to jump off a building? Depression is quite common in graduate school. Are there study abroad opportunities (yes, these do exist in grad school)? How many students are on welfare? – This is way too common. What kind of health insurance does the school provide? What are the steps to qualification for your degree?

2. How do I decide on an advisor?

This is probably the most important decision that you will make in your grad school career. Your advisor is more important than your project. You need to make sure that you have a good personal and professional relationship with your advisor. The best way to find out about a potential advisor is to ask her grad students pointed questions away from the lab or behind closed doors. You need to know the answers to questions like: What kind and how much funding does she have? What is her management style? Are you glad you chose this lab? What do you like best/least? Where are the students going after graduation? How well does the advisor represent the students and the lab to the world? How many high quality publications does the lab produce? How collaborative is the lab? Are there any social lab activities? How many post-docs does the lab have? How is paper authorship determined? How many first-author papers do the other graduate students have? Does the advisor pay for students to attend conferences? How many days/hours is the advisor in her office, in the lab? What kind of space is there for me? What kind of equipment and equipment access do I have? Is the professor personable? How does the rest of the department view this professor? Are the graduate students happy? Are there favorites? How long does it usually take to graduate? How large is the lab in terms of members? How many members are forecasted for the future? How does the advisor assign projects, and who will be there to help me? Does the advisor have any plans to leave before my time is over? Am I interested enough in this work to devote several years of my life to it? If I get bored, how easily can I change topics?

Also look for warning signs like fast or steady decrease in the number of lab members, any members losing funding, or stressed out graduate students consistently there in the wee morning hours when it doesn’t seem necessary.

Make sure that you get opinions from several students and post-docs in other labs too. Ask both experienced and new members. Sometimes the new are overly enthusiastic. Sometimes the old are tired and bitter. If you can contact former students, this might also be a good idea. And of course, talk to your potential advisor. Be very open and honest about your interests and potential. Ask about what projects you would be working on. Be polite, but don’t be afraid. This is your chance to get to know this person. Make sure that their idea of you is equally accurate.

Coming soon:

3. Should I get a masters first?
4. Should I go straight into grad school or take some time off first?
5. Should I go to grad school or try to get a job?
6. Should I apply for this fellowship?
7. How do I become successful in graduate school?
8. How do I maintain a good relationship with my advisor?
9. What are some things you wish you had done?
10. What are some things you wish you hadn’t done?
11. Would you do it again?

Energy Conservation

admin January 16th, 2008

Today is COLD. And all I want to do is curl up with something warm to drink and read. Unfortunately, that is pretty much what I have done all morning. Somehow I am thinking that reading Science and New Scientist does not count as thesis prep.

Thesis Reality Hits

admin January 14th, 2008

Wait! Did I think I had a whole SEMESTER to get my dissertation writing and defending done? “Semester” sounds so long and nice, doesn’t it? Apparently you have to get things to people a little before the institute deadlines, and apparently the institute wants them before you actually graduate (crazy! I know). So my “semester” = 2 months. Oh, and all those other projects I was working on, yeah, I need to still do those too. Ahh!

A few months in review

admin January 11th, 2008

So I haven’t posted in a long while. Its funny how that makes me feel guilty even though no one knows who I am, and my readership pretty much consists of my husband who knows everything that is going on with me anyway. But just in case someone wants to read this later, or finds this website helpful or instructive, I feel compelled to post on recent events.

I’m pregnant. And on the whole, I’m very excited. This was something done mostly intentionally, though I really didn’t think it would happen so quickly. To that poor other woman out there for whom it is taking a very long time, I am very sorry. I am that lower outlier screwing with the average.

Why did I do this? I thought and researched and decided that now is the perfect time. I want to be a younger mother. I have friends my age with fertility issues. My husband has a good job and I am looking to start something new. I will have my PhD as backup. I don’t want to wait until the unknown of some most likely even more stressful postdoc. Now is the time.

I am very relieved and very lucky that my advisers are incredibly supportive. This might have something to do with the fact that I will have graduated by the time the baby arrives, but I think perhaps standards for young academic women might just be coming around. They want to see women like me make these decisions and succeed. I could take this sentence back tomorrow, but they both strongly support me reaching the top of whatever career I choose, and me taking a good long time off to have fun with the new baby. I was scared to death to tell them, but it has worked out perfectly. They were both happy about the news, congratulated me, and then talked as normal about my thesis, graduation, and how they could help me after I left.

I still think I want to be a science writer, so this also gives me the perfect “excuse” to take off for several months to give it a go. I just can’t wait. My only worry is that the combination of the newness of the career and the newness of the mother role might make things difficult. Still, enthusiasm is a powerful motivator, and I have never been so excited. I feel like I have put myself into some forced labor camp for the last 5 years and now, finally, I am going to allow myself to do what I really want to do.

The one thing I worried most after getting pregnant was the loss of control. While I’ve been wanting a baby for a while now, once it was confirmed I had the sudden realization that this was something that could not be undone, no matter how much I wanted it. If you really hate your job, you can quit. If you really hate your husband, you can get a divorce. You can move, sell your house, find a new family for your dog (if you HAVE to), throw out your wardrobe, dye your hair, and estrange yourself from friends and family. But you cannot (not ethically, morally, or legally) suddenly decide that you don’t want your child once it is yours. You can’t leave it on a doorstep. You can’t tell the baby you just don’t want it anymore, that this was really a big mistake. And you can’t choose. The baby I have will be the baby I have. You can choose your job, husband, dog, and wardrobe. You get no control over this baby. And that, for me anyway, is terrifying.

What I realized that I was most afraid of was not the child, that little person who I could take on walks and play with and talk to, but the baby. I am afraid of a perpetually screaming, inconsolable, energy sucking, libido killing, nipple biting, red in the faced baby. I was afraid that sleep deprivation coupled with constant screaming would make me hurt myself, my husband, my child, or something else I hold dear. That it would induce a deep depression. I am terrified of depression. I had a good long look at it once, and I will do whatever I can to keep that daemon far away. If you are reading this and having these fears, I heartily recommend “The Happiest Baby on the Block.” It is a book all about soothing your baby in the first three months. Of course I have no actual proof that what is in this book will help me at all once the baby comes, but I believe it will, and that makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER.

So here I am, a rat in the maze. Let’s see how far I go.

On Women in Academia

admin November 13th, 2007

Postdoc Survey Finds Gender Split on Family Issues
Science - November 9, 2007

A new survey of how young biologists view their prospects suggests that the main concern for women is not a hostile climate but insufficient time to juggle the needs of family and career. The study of 1300 postdocs at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in Bethesda, Maryland, includes a call for more family-friendly policies at U.S. research institutions. . . .Biologist Sue Rosser of Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta agrees that family-friendly policies are key. But she warns against underestimating how gender discrimination affects women, especially at higher rungs of the academic ladder. “It gets complicated pretty quickly,” she says, adding that many female faculty members face isolation and dismissive attitudes throughout their careers.

http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/318/5852/897?maxtoshow=&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=rosser&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&sortspec=date&resourcetype= HWCIT

And the light emerges

admin October 24th, 2007

Profgrrrl posted this professional fantasy today

“My current fantasy*
• The cleaning fairies show up and make everything spotless.
• The organizational fairies show up and do things like file, punch holes and stick things in binders, clean up the desktop of my computer, enter things in EndNote, etc. etc.
• I don’t have to show up to the office for a month.
• I wake every morning, go for a walk or jog, read at ‘bux for an hour or two with a cup of tea, and then write in my home office all afternoon. I write into the evening, too, because I simply cannot pull myself away from the work that interests me so much.
• I only receive social, informational, and intellectually stimulating emails.
• NO MEETINGS!
• My data analysis software does everything I want it to do, and more.
• I get enough sleep each night.
• I feel brilliant.

*professional/non romance personal version”

And I found myself completely agreeing, though of course I am no prof. I also found myself thinking, “Yep, that’s why I want to be a science writer. Most of this will come true for me.” Of course I am well aware that the grass is always greener etc etc, but really many of these issues are what are pushing me for a career change. I want to be my own boss. I want the ability to choose what I write about and investigate. When one topic begins to bore me, I want to move to something else. I want to be constantly learning. I want to be able to do something else one day if I like. I only want to go to meetings that I want to go to. I want to be able to work from home or a coffee shop if I wish. I want to set my own hours so that I can sleep when I need to.

In other words, I am SO EXCITED about the possibility of a change.

I had a great long talk with one of my advisers yesterday. I just walked into his office and started asking questions. This is one thing that I really value about this adviser. Not once has he told me he was too busy to talk, or tried to hurry it up so that he could go somewhere or do something else. Not that the man isn’t busy. The man works like a horse, but I can always talk to him. He was very honest with me. He told me all the negative things about his career, a career he loves. He told me about how he has seen it change since he started. He told me that of course he wants his students to become professors because he thinks it is a great job, and he would like to have a network of his protégés out there working.

But, he told me, you have to really want it. You have to work to beat out the other people, and you have to make sacrifices. I know this. I have observed it. It was nice, though, to hear it from him. Of course I wouldn’t have to be a professor at a large research university, but I also know that smaller universities come with their own set of problems. And though I don’t dislike teaching, I am not sure that I would want to devote my career to it. I admitted to him my interest in science writing, and he was very encouraging. It was great. Now I have an ally when talking to my other adviser, which should make it much easier. And I also have a little bit more confidence.

All in all, yesterday was a very good day. I think today just might be a good day too.

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