Death in the Absence of Religion
admin October 4th, 2008
I know that I risk losing whatever readership I currently have here, as well as producing all kinds of trollish comments with this post, but what else are anonymous blogs for?
I have read several times on other blogs mothers asking in earnest what to say to their children about death if they feel uncomfortable with the usual Christian story of heaven. If you don’t truly believe that we all (or all the “good” people, however you define that) go to float amongst the clouds with our other good relatives and friends in a state of bliss, what do you say? Is it better to tell children this, just to alleviate fears?
I have never and will never agree with purposely lying to children. Children of all people are seeking to find their way, seeking for truths, figuring out the world they live in. They are also much smarter than many give them credit for. If any question deserves a careful and truthful answer, this is it.
I can’t presume to know your family, your beliefs, or your child. So let me just put down here what I hope to be able to impart to my child when that day comes.
Death is when living things stop living. They do not come back. Death can be sad because we miss those who die, but the dead feel no pain. It is those left behind who feel pain after death. We must all die, but people usually live a nice long time. Death is not always a bad thing. It reminds us that life is precious and should not be wasted. It allows for new people, plants and animals to have a turn at living. Leaves fall from the trees in winter so that new leaves grow in the spring. These new leaves make the tree stronger. So it goes with people as well. We die to allow space to the living. We should not fear death so much as celebrate life. A life spent fearing death is wasted.
Whatever we do in the world is the way we imprint our lives; it is our immortality. Our children, our deeds good and bad, those we influence, that is how we continue.
On heaven, you are free to come to your own conclusion, but know that I do not think that heaven is a truth. I think that it is a pretty idea that can make people feel better, but a false idea. There are too many problems with heaven. Some people believe that animals cannot get into heaven because they are different from people. Some people believe that if you don’t believe certain things, you don’t get to go to heaven either. No place could be pleasant for me without animals, and without my friends and family, whatever their beliefs. So I cannot conceive of such a heaven. A heaven where animals and those with different beliefs are allowed likewise would not be suitable for other people. There can be no perfect paradise for all.
We must therefore strive to make our lives and those of others as much of a paradise as possible. Life is such an incredible gift. We must make treasure our lives. We must help others to treasure theirs.
We are born into different circumstances. Because we have been given so many things, it is our responsibility to help those who were not so lucky. That is the burden of the gifted. We do this not because we are trying to buy our way into paradise; we do this because it is the only way to make this life as good as it can be for us and those around us. We do this because death is the end for us, but others keep on living. We do this in memory of those we loved, so that their good deeds are not wasted.
Death is sad, but only because life is so wonderful. Death is the payment you make for life. I think that it’s a good deal.