Sex After Baby
admin March 8th, 2009
Inspired in part by the frank talk on this issue over at Motherhood Uncensored, I am writing today about something that it seems even the most open and honest mothers don’t talk about: Post Partum Sex. I don’t know why we don’t talk about it, but we don’t. And we should.
Case in point: me. I am not a modest person. I don’t care who knows about what surgery or procedure I have or haven’t had done. I heard and told others all about the myriad of scary and disgusting things that could or would happen to my body during pregnancy and birth. I love talking about boobs. My son’s poop schedule is definitely fair game. And before having a kid, sex, and even more intimately, the sex I was having, was not an infrequent topic. But for some reason sex after kids just seems taboo. Maybe for me it was because there was an issue where there never was one before, and it was well, embarrassing, and worrying and just so personal. But mothers need to know these things and hidden as I am in my anonymity, I think its time for me to share.
At one point I was worried that I would never enjoy sex with my husband again. This terrified me. It was awful. And by the way, now it is better than ever – if that’s possible. Come along for the ride.
My son’s birth was necessarily quick, but not hugely traumatic. I was glad for the epidural when stitched up, told I had first to second degree tears, and that I could resume sex again after the traditional 6 weeks. Being young and therefore resilient, I healed fairly quickly and looked forward with my husband to that important date. At around 4-5 weeks we tested the waters, but some pain convinced us that we should wait until my check-up to avoid any re-injury. We were right on track. We were playing by the rules. We were going to win. Yay.
I went in for my checkup and was told that I had “perfect vagina.” I have to admit that the declaration did quite a bit to stoke my ego. How many other people are told that their junk is perfect, by someone well qualified to know? Apparently I had healed so well that my OBGYN mistakenly thought that there hadn’t been any tearing at all during the birth. If crowns were awarded to vaginas, I’m sure mine would have gotten one. A big sparkly golden 1st place one. And so I took my “perfect” vagina home.
But something was wrong. Sex hurt. No, that’s not accurate, because sex didn’t happen. Any entry hurt. A lot. It was horrible. It was like re-virgination – but worse. Some looking around online told me that I perhaps did have a little scarring, and that this was causing some entry pain. We waited two weeks, and it didn’t improve. So we waited another week. Still pain. At around three months post partum I was prepared to call my OBGYN for an appointment. Sex, I had decided, was an important part of my life and relationship and I was not about to give it up. I wanted good sex back. I needed it. Finally we decided to wait another few weeks, and try some tips I found, if only to convince my OB that this was serious.
And about that time things started getting better. There was still some pain, but it slowly slowly lessened. Lube helped. Regaining my period at around 6 months helped. My son is now 8 months old, and things are much better. I still need my husband to ease into it a little at the beginning, but I actually enjoy the experience on the whole more than before. I’m tighter, and better than ever. I’d always heard that having a baby stretched a woman out. I asked my husband before the birth whether he’d mind being the “hotdog in the hallway.” I’d never heard of the opposite happening, but it did for me. And it might for you. Maybe some people can resume pansy gentle no orgasm sex in six weeks. In my experience, real sex takes longer, even if you do happen to be perfect.
And that’s my story. Happy humping, all you new mothers.