Motherhood: The Good
admin February 19th, 2009
I had always planned to have kids after tenure. It seemed like the ideal plan. I would have plenty of time to cement my career, I would be in good financial shape, and I would be ready to stay in one place for a while. Perfect. That was until I actually counted out the years it would take to make that plan happen. I figured out that if everything went swimmingly, this plan would have me start trying for a baby at 35. 35. The age of the beginning of high risk. A little more research told me that women as young as their upper 20s were starting to have trouble conceiving. This came as a shock. My god, I thought to myself, there is no way that I can wait that long. So, what am I going to do? When should I do this? When is the perfect time?
My research told me that there was no perfect time. Super. Well then, I thought, how about now?
So I went online to try to find stories of other women who had kids in their late 20s, before their careers were cemented, before they had everything completely under control, before they were completely sure that they were ready to settle down. And what I found was horrible. I found statistics on how doing so would almost certainly negatively affect my career. I found stories about how kids had ruined marriages. And most frightening, I found stories, dozens of stories, about how difficult, time consuming, draining, mind-numbing, exhausting, intimacy-killing, and completely unlike the fantasy of being a mother can be. And though I looked, it was very difficult to find out why these woman had kids, often multiple kids, in the first place. Aren’t kids, on some level, supposed to be a good thing?
My research was incredibly depressing. Of course, these are important stories to tell. It would be horrible to begin motherhood only to be sorely disappointed. Women need to hear these stories. Mothers need to tell them. But what people seem to forget or neglect to tell is just how wonderful it is, too.
Sure, I don’t have job right now, but I am working on that. I see great things on the horizon, and for the time being, I am having a blast being a mom. I’ve always been an overgrown kid, so I love that my son gives me an excuse to spend most of my time just playing. I can’t tell you how fun it is to show him things that I have seen over and over again, but for him it is the very first time. OH MY GOD THE SWIFFER – HOW AWESOME! or, THE DOOR, IT OPENS!! AND CLOSES!! SHIT YEAH!! Or DOOOGS I LOVE DOOOOGSS. I’m paraphrasing here.
Another thing is that unlike my last job, every day is different and self-directed. Every day my son is different. Every day there is something new to show him. And there is no one around to tell that it really isn’t what I should be doing.
I loved being pregnant. Seriously. I have never felt sexier or more womanly. And knowing that my body was creating a little person? Just incredible.
Breast feeding for me has been awesome, and not just in that hippie, I am sooo doing what is best for my son, way. It is convenient, it gives me big boobs, and thanks to the calorie output, I am in better shape weight wise than I have probably been in a decade. Diaper changes are not nearly as bad as people will tell you. It’s poop. It happens. Get over it. Plus, when the diaper is off, you can have fun kissing your little tot all over, or letting him get in a little unencumbered (and seriously cute) naked time on the floor. Though I would love a full night’s sleep without interruption, that hasn’t affected me nearly as badly as I thought it would, since really I am only getting up twice a night or so, and am able to sleep in as late as he does. And you want to know a secret? Though many babies are worse than mine when it comes to sleep, many babies are far better as well. Booya.
Because I’m a younger mom, I have more energy to devote to motherhood. I have more time to pursue other things in the years ahead. I have more young friends without kids willing to baby-sit. My pregnancy was easier, and the birth less complicated. Though I’m not employed, I now have a perfectly legitimate reason for my time away. If I decide to have a second child, I will have more time that I feel I can wait to make that decision. I don’t have to worry as much about my ticking clock. I will be younger when my baby moves out of the house. Young enough, my husband and I agree, to do so many things that we will still want to do.
When you’re a mom and you’re in trouble, nothing is more important than letting people know, and having others rally around to support you. I should know. I’ve done it. But for those girls desperately searching somewhere, anywhere, for a few reasons why having a kid might not be so bad, might be fun, might just be something she would like to do, I think we need to write just a little bit more about how incredible the experience is too.