Archive for February, 2009

Motherhood: The Good

admin February 19th, 2009

I had always planned to have kids after tenure. It seemed like the ideal plan. I would have plenty of time to cement my career, I would be in good financial shape, and I would be ready to stay in one place for a while. Perfect. That was until I actually counted out the years it would take to make that plan happen. I figured out that if everything went swimmingly, this plan would have me start trying for a baby at 35. 35. The age of the beginning of high risk. A little more research told me that women as young as their upper 20s were starting to have trouble conceiving. This came as a shock. My god, I thought to myself, there is no way that I can wait that long. So, what am I going to do? When should I do this? When is the perfect time?

My research told me that there was no perfect time. Super. Well then, I thought, how about now?

So I went online to try to find stories of other women who had kids in their late 20s, before their careers were cemented, before they had everything completely under control, before they were completely sure that they were ready to settle down. And what I found was horrible. I found statistics on how doing so would almost certainly negatively affect my career. I found stories about how kids had ruined marriages. And most frightening, I found stories, dozens of stories, about how difficult, time consuming, draining, mind-numbing, exhausting, intimacy-killing, and completely unlike the fantasy of being a mother can be. And though I looked, it was very difficult to find out why these woman had kids, often multiple kids, in the first place. Aren’t kids, on some level, supposed to be a good thing?

My research was incredibly depressing. Of course, these are important stories to tell. It would be horrible to begin motherhood only to be sorely disappointed. Women need to hear these stories. Mothers need to tell them. But what people seem to forget or neglect to tell is just how wonderful it is, too.

Sure, I don’t have job right now, but I am working on that. I see great things on the horizon, and for the time being, I am having a blast being a mom. I’ve always been an overgrown kid, so I love that my son gives me an excuse to spend most of my time just playing. I can’t tell you how fun it is to show him things that I have seen over and over again, but for him it is the very first time. OH MY GOD THE SWIFFER – HOW AWESOME! or, THE DOOR, IT OPENS!! AND CLOSES!! SHIT YEAH!! Or DOOOGS I LOVE DOOOOGSS. I’m paraphrasing here.

Another thing is that unlike my last job, every day is different and self-directed. Every day my son is different. Every day there is something new to show him. And there is no one around to tell that it really isn’t what I should be doing.

I loved being pregnant. Seriously. I have never felt sexier or more womanly. And knowing that my body was creating a little person? Just incredible.

Breast feeding for me has been awesome, and not just in that hippie, I am sooo doing what is best for my son, way. It is convenient, it gives me big boobs, and thanks to the calorie output, I am in better shape weight wise than I have probably been in a decade. Diaper changes are not nearly as bad as people will tell you. It’s poop. It happens. Get over it. Plus, when the diaper is off, you can have fun kissing your little tot all over, or letting him get in a little unencumbered (and seriously cute) naked time on the floor. Though I would love a full night’s sleep without interruption, that hasn’t affected me nearly as badly as I thought it would, since really I am only getting up twice a night or so, and am able to sleep in as late as he does. And you want to know a secret? Though many babies are worse than mine when it comes to sleep, many babies are far better as well. Booya.

Because I’m a younger mom, I have more energy to devote to motherhood. I have more time to pursue other things in the years ahead. I have more young friends without kids willing to baby-sit. My pregnancy was easier, and the birth less complicated. Though I’m not employed, I now have a perfectly legitimate reason for my time away. If I decide to have a second child, I will have more time that I feel I can wait to make that decision. I don’t have to worry as much about my ticking clock. I will be younger when my baby moves out of the house. Young enough, my husband and I agree, to do so many things that we will still want to do.

When you’re a mom and you’re in trouble, nothing is more important than letting people know, and having others rally around to support you. I should know. I’ve done it. But for those girls desperately searching somewhere, anywhere, for a few reasons why having a kid might not be so bad, might be fun, might just be something she would like to do, I think we need to write just a little bit more about how incredible the experience is too.

Funding Affects Creativity in Science

admin February 11th, 2009

Today, I would like to bring your attention to a well written and very true op-ed from the New York Times.

http://judson.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/10/guest-column-letting-scientists-off-the-leash/?ref=science

“It’s almost like a small business — each faculty member is essentially running an enterprise for which he or she must find revenue (grants), manage finances, balance the books and pay expenses like salaries, tuition, rent and even taxes to the university for the space used.

Such a system does not come without its own perils. It is not so easy to ask our young scientists to think out of the box when a significant portion of their salary (and mortgage payments) depends on guaranteeing a steady source of funding. Consequently, professors become highly attuned to the institutional priorities of various funding agencies — often at a cost to their own creativity and desired research direction”

Vaccines

admin February 9th, 2009

A friend of mine just wrote me asking if I had my son on a regular vaccination schedule. She has read all kinds of scary things about vaccines, and as she knows I tend to do exhaustive research when it comes to important parenting decisions, she wanted my opinion. My answer to her, was yes yes yes! I have my son on a full, non-delayed vaccination schedule. Why? Because my research demonstrated to me that the risks of not vaccinating were far greater for my child, and others, than the potential risks of the vaccines.

Short version:
Vaccination is a parent’s choice, but it is also the parent’s responsibility to learn the risks involved. There is absolutely no good evidence to show that vaccinations are more harmful than the risk of disease if not administered. Please follow the links at the end – these are truly excellent resources.

Long Version:
Every (normal) parent wants to do what is best for their child. I fully support the right of a parent to decide what exactly “best” means for them. I certainly don’t want anyone yanking my child away when I let him play in the dirt, or stand outside in the rain, or don’t always put his socks on. I fully plan in the future to let my son (gasp!) go outside to play unsupervised. Shoot, I might even let him have an occasional sip of wine at Christmas as he ages, just to prove to him that he doesn’t yet like it. I will fight for you as a parent to parent as long as 1. This decision does not unduly harm your child and 2. This decision does not put me and my child at significant risk.

Those people who fed their kid nothing but fish oil, nuts, and parsley (or whatever it was) despite the child’s evident malnutrition do not deserve to be left alone to parent how they see fit. People who teach their kids to shoot other people, well, they don’t really deserve the right to parent either. But I support a parent’s right to decide what medications their child receives, especially since all medications come with inherent risk. What many parents don’t understand however is that not medicating is also a risk.

There has been a general trend lately to trust that which is “natural.” I can understand this. In fact, I am part of this trend. Too many times have we been mislead by government and industry to trust that the things available to us as medication, food, etc. are necessarily safe. I buy organic. I buy free range. I use vinegar and lemon and soapy water instead of manufactured cleaners. But “natural” isn’t ALWAYS better.

Back when things were much more natural, people died. A lot. They died horrible deaths, in pain, in vomit and feces, delirious, emaciated, with weeping sores and draining eyes. These formerly healthy people died, and this happened all the time. The reason why we don’t realize how bad many “natural” diseases are is because we don’t see them any more. Because of vaccines. If you really want an idea of what you are risking when you don’t vaccinate your child, go to a hospital where someone is dealing with measles, or mumps, or whooping cough. Believe me, it looks much much worse than the low grade fever or other side effects commonly associated with vaccinations.

Now ask yourself, if you would support the right of a parent to purposely give their child one of these life-threatening diseases. Of course you wouldn’t. But it’s not so easy. No one wants the vaccinations they give to their child to end up in harm. Many parents will delay vaccination schedules with no long term ill effects, but delaying a vaccine creates the risk that the child will develop the disease before the shot is delivered. Let me make myself clear. I have friends with kids on delayed schedules. I support their right to do this; I just don’t think that it is the best decision.

And here is my support:

Article: parenting magazine - a wonderful synopsis of fears and facts
http://www.parenting.com/article/Baby/Health/Vaccines-Fact-and-Fiction/1

Skeptic Dad – A really excellent blog chronicling vaccine fearmongers and the actual facts (and more)
http://skepticdad.wordpress.com/vaccines/

Autism Myths – Everything you ever wanted to know about autism (that is actually true)
http://autism-myths.org/

Science-Based Medicine – A site maintained by MDs and PhDs, good for vaccine info and much, much more
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/

These links will provide you with some excellent resources on the real science behind vaccination risks. I could re-hash this here, but these really do a wonderful job. There is so much misinformation on the web. Let scientifically based, accurately reported resources inform your decision.