Archive for August, 2008

A Perfect Evening

admin August 22nd, 2008

I made a wonderful dinner. I had a drink. I watched a movie with my husband. I danced with my son. We had a wonderful time. The three of us. Three.

Twenty years ago Friday nights were spent with a couple of friends, chasing away the daylight, running, chasing, laughing. Ten years ago my Friday nights were spent with my closest friends, playing pool, driving around, laughing. Five years ago my Friday nights were spent partying with new friends, dancing, meeting new guys, laughing. What memories I have, of these nights.

Tonight I spent at home with my new family. Laughing.

I will have more crazy nights. I’m not ready to give them up. But tonight was plain, and I went nowhere, and and it was perfect.

This is why I did this thing. This night. May you all have nights like these.

A new moon

admin August 9th, 2008

Dear Kiddo,

Two days ago you turned one month old. I think you should know that though your birthday was not celebrated with cupcakes and candles, the last month has been one long birthday party for you. All of your grandparents have come to see you twice. Friends from other states have driven miles to come to see you. You have had easily over a dozen visitors. The pictures of you we post to friends cause my inbox to fill each morning with exclamations on your cuteness. You have already been the hit of a party. You now have the popularity I would have traded for my soul in middle school.

The one who enjoys you the most, though, is your father. You really should thank me later for picking him out for you. He is working part time so that his afternoons are spent with you sleeping on this shoulder, or with you slung across his arm sucking his thumb like a little monkey. He swoops you around the house like an airplane, holds you high and jiggles you like jelly, and doesn’t complain about changing your diapers. While I think that you are cute simply because you are a baby, he is convinced that you really are the cutest baby ever, most likely because you look exactly like he did when he was a baby. Your hand even perfectly mirrors his palm creases.

This whole month I have had no other real job than to take care of you. You sleep until around 7 AM and despite my efforts to stay in bed a little longer you wake up and are ready to play. So every morning we get up and after you are changed we have playtime together. Sometimes I put a toy on you and let you bat it around. Sometimes I show you around the house and describe everything. Sometimes I just let you gaze into my face. Recently you have started smiling and making this happy squealing noise that is the most incredible thing I have ever heard.

Early on, before I knew how to properly soothe you, back when you were nursing promptly every two hours, I went through several difficult days. Unfortunately I am just not one of those women who falls in love with a baby the instant she sees him, nor did I suddenly realize that mothering was what I had always been meant to do. I was worried that I had made a terrible mistake becoming a mother, one that I knew I could never undo. I worried that I would never enjoy this role, and that it would prevent me from accomplishing all the other incredible things I want to achieve in this life of mine. I worried that I had traded my life for yours, and it was a swindle.

But don’t worry kiddo, because I’m pretty sure I was wrong. I love the little sighing noises you make while you sleep, and how you can gaze at me for hours. I love how you squeal and open your mouth when I kiss you all over. I love your little round belly. I love how soft you feel, and how you stroke me with your hand and toes while you nurse. And now that I am getting more sleep and more confidence, I just can’t wait to discover other wonderful things about you, those moments and memories yet hidden away far from my view, secrets you will keep until it is your time to reveal them.

Happy Birthday!

Momma

An Open Letter

admin August 6th, 2008

Dear Woolite Pet Stain Remover People

I am writing you to commend you for a wonderful product. Over the years, your product has kept our carpet and furniture looking and smelling new, pet accident after pet accident, including one involving a lab puppy who mistook a bathroom garbage can for a shiny new dinner plate, and another involving our mutt and, well, let’s just say it was really bad. However, I had no idea that when my weeks old baby shot yellow week old baby poo through the air, over the changing table, and out onto the carpet, that your product would perform so spectacularly. Not only did Woolite Pet Stain Remover completely clean the area after being left to set for several hours (no Virginia, that 1AM poop explosion was not just a bad dream), but I feel confident that as the bottle advertises, the deodorizing effect of your product will dissuade my child from resoiling that spot again in the future. I thought that this new use of Woolite Pet Stain Remover should be brought to your attention in case you would like to utilize this information for marketing purposes in the future.

Sincerely,

WPSR’s biggest fan

And a New Day Dawns

admin August 1st, 2008

First of all, thank you so much, Gillian, for your comments. You made me feel so much better, sitting there, holding my hand with your words. I also posted a cry for help in my facebook profile, and was buoyed by many comments left by people I know and love all over the country. You know, I remember some kid’s show from a LONG way back with some truly awful jingle about how great friends are (Sesame Street? Mr. Rogers?) and I remember thinking, “Well duh you dumb people. This is so stupid.” But that was back when a “friend” was that kid you just met at the pool: “What’s your name? What’s your favorite color? Want to be my friend?”

So thank you to all my friends, the ones I know and those I don’t. My favorite color is blue.

Because today has been much better. My Mom is here to hold and console the baby, who strangely doesn’t feel the need to cry nearly so much. Our friends arrived early to take care of him, and we got to the graduation site in plenty of time. Graduation actually was nice, and I felt some sense of accomplishment.

I like to rub my velvet stole…

Apparently the baby didn’t cry at all while I was gone, and he is now back to his three hour feeding schedule. And Saturn aligns with the Moon and Pluto in the Southern hemisphere… So things are good, for now. And now I have heard that this is the toughest time, that things will get better, so the bad days will not be for the rest of my life, and OH MY GOD how good does that make me feel.

And now so that this blog isn’t entirely frustrated rants, here’s a bit of trivia about the phrase “T-minus” entirely stolen from that little gem, the urban dictionary.

T minus zero

“T minus zero” means “out of time.”

This comes from a countdown convention used in by both the American military and NASA.

Generally, it is used when counting down to a major event that will happen at a specific time.

Mathematically, T is time, minus whatever amount of time is left until the event happens.

If the News Years ball is dropping in 10 minutes, one could say “The ball is dropping in T minus 10 minutes and counting!”

Therefore, “T minus zero” means that there is no time left.

Interesting, no?